The Top Ten Wrestling Stories of the Week 9/18: New Firefly Fun House Puppet, Retribution Taken Out to End WWE Raw, More

Welcome back TJR readers! Did you spend all day Friday hoping that the black smoke in the sky wouldn’t get any closer, missing Smackdown (stay safe West Coast)? Perhaps you spent Monday trying to avoid your bookie and missed Raw. Worry not, for I have returned with another edition of The Top Ten Wrestling Stories of the Week to catch you up.

10. Jeff Hardy Re-signs With WWE

Wrestling fans who were hoping for a Hardy Boys reunion are going to have to wait for quite a while. Jeff Hardy announced during an interview this week that he has re-signed with the WWE, and will be bringing his entrance song “No More Words” back when fans return. It is unknown if AEW made an attempt to reunite Jeff with his brother Matt. It Is possible that AEW wanted to sign him, but Tony Khan’s father wouldn’t buy him any more wrestlers for Christmas, as he just got him an Evan Bourne and a Rusev. (TJRWrestling)

9. Randy Orton and Drew McIntyre to Compete in an Ambulance Match

The WWE Heavyweight Championship bout between Randy Orton and Drew McIntyre at Clash of the Champions on September 27th added a stipulation this week. The match will now be an ambulance match where the only way to win is by putting your opponent into the back of an ambulance and closing the door. With both Orton and McIntyre leaving RAW in ambulances in recent weeks, McIntyre suggested this stipulation to try to settle the feud. With all these expensive ambulance rides, both Orton and McIntyre better hope that wrestlers aren’t considered independent contractors much longer so they can get better health insurance. (TJRWrestling)

8. Mandy Rose Traded to RAW

Otis and Mandy Rose are going to have to try to make long-distance work. The loving couple was broken up this week when Mandy Rose was suddenly moved to RAW. The Miz announced the move on Talking Smack, after stating on Smackdown earlier in the night that he was going to call in a favor. The Miz and John Morrison have been trying to steal the Money in the Bank briefcase from Otis for several weeks, with moving Mandy being their newest ploy. It is unknown at this time who owed The Miz a favor on RAW, but it is likely whoever talked him into thinking that Marine 6 was a good idea. (TJRWrestling)

7. One Hour AEW Dynamite Special to Air Late Tuesday Night

If five hours of WWE Television, two hours of NXT and two hours of Dynamite plus Impact and ROH just isn’t enough wrestling on television for you, then I have great news. AEW is having a special one hour episode of Dynamite this Tuesday, following the NBA Playoffs. With so much wrestling now on television, you have to wonder how little of a social life someone would have to watch that much wrestling. On a similar note, John Canton is now on a quest to cover every wrestling PPV ever, in addition to his normal weekly reviews of course. (TJRWrestling)

6. Two Number One Contender Matches Next Week on NXT

Not one, but two, number one contender’s matches will be held next week on NXT. A Battle Royal will be held to decide who will be next to face Io Shari for the Women’s NXT Championship. On the Men’s side, it will be a five-man Gauntlet Elimination Match to decide who will face Finn Bálor for the NXT Heavyweight Championship. Both title matches are set to take place at the next NXT Takeover Special on Sunday, October 4th. This means that NXT will only have one tv episode to build both title matches, which is way less time then it takes someone to edit my grammar in these articles. (Thank you, editor!) (TJRWrestling)

5. Ivar of The Viking Raiders Has Neck Surgery

WWE’s already dilapidated tag division took another hit this week. Ivar of The Viking Raiders underwent neck surgery on Monday, and will likely be out until the end of next year. The injury occurred when Ivar attempted to do a suicide dive during an eight-man tag match last week on RAW. Ivar immediately knew something was wrong after the maneuver, as he threw up the X signal from the floor. Ivar’s partner, Eric, did appear on RAW this week, losing quickly to Bobby Lashley. With AOP being released, Andrade and Angel Garza breaking up, and now this news, WWE’s tag division is in worse shape than Shahid Khan’s checkbook after a round of WWE releases. (TJRWrestling)

4. Seth Rollins Attacks Murphy After Winning Steel Cage Match

Seth Rollins is going to have to find a new disciple. Before his cage match with Dominik Mysterio, Rollins told Murphy to stay in the back so he wouldn’t mess things up. Murphy defied Rollins, almost costing Rollins the match after accidentally slamming the cage door in his face. Although Rollins was able to overcome the mistake and win the match, he still chose to attack Murphy. Rollins threw Murphy into the barricade and cage, before slamming his face into the cage door. It will be interesting to see if Rollins now continues alone, or if he tries to find another Buddy to join him. (TJRWrestling)

3. Retribution Interrupts RAW Main Event

Retribution once again caused havoc at Monday Night RAW this week. Retribution began the night by again taking over the Thunderdome LCD screens, and cutting a promo. During the promo, Retribution revealed that they used to be at the WWE Performance Center, but now refuse to suck up to the machine. Retribution wasn’t done there, however, as they once again appeared during the main event match between Drew McIntyre and Keith Lee. Retribution attacked both Lee and McIntyre, before The Hurt Business came to ringside and started fighting with Retribution. RAW then went off air with both Lee and McIntyre leaping to the floor and taking out Retribution and The Hurt Business. It is unknown when Retribution will finally unmask and reveal their identities; let’s hope when they finally do that it is more entertaining than this crap. (TJRWrestling)


2. Bray Wyatt Introduces a New Puppet

A new puppet entered the Firefly Fun House this week. Bray Wyatt had promised a “new friend” in the Fun House for this week. That new friend appeared to be a new puppet called Persevering Parrot, who has overcome many challenges in his life. Unfortunately for the parrot, Wyatt forgot to put holes in the box he was in, killing him before he could be revealed. This all led to the Evil Mr. McMahon puppet introducing a new Special Advisor for the Fun House called Wobbly Walrus. The new walrus puppet is clearly inspired by Paul Heyman, who recently came back to Smackdown as the “special counsel” for Roman Reigns. Interestingly enough, a Wobbly Walrus is also what you used to be able to get for fifty bucks on Sunny’s Only Fans account. (TJRWrestling)

1. John Canton Listing of Every WWE PPV Review He Has Ever Written

There is only one story this week that deserves to be number one, and sorry Star Wars fans it isn’t Sasha Banks being in The Mandalorian. John Canton released, on this very website this week, a listing of every WWE PPV review he has ever written. This means for us wrestling fans, it is now easier to find and read all the PPV reviews ever written by the greatest wrestling journalist of our time. If that wasn’t enough, John has made it his goal to write reviews for the shows he hasn’t covered as well. This means that some magical day there may not be a WWE PPV that doesn’t have a John Canton review. So everybody click on this link, and spend your weekend reading all the PPV reviews from the Walter Cronkite of wrestling. (TJRWrestling)

(Note from John Canton: “How high were you when you wrote this? Don’t answer that and don’t spend as much time on Sunny’s Only Fans account either. But thank you for mentioning this!”)

That will conclude another edition of The Top Ten Wrestling Stories of the Week. As always, if you like what I do, please follow me on Facebook and Twitter @BackseatBookers and listen to my podcast The BackseatBookers. (Please be aware that it is explicit as I swear more the Cleveland Browns during football season.)