TJR: Ranking the 10 Worst WWE Survivor Series Elimination Matches Ever

The month of November means Survivor Series is here, so to celebrate that, I decided to post my ranking of the 10 Best Survivor Series Elimination Matches Ever one week ago. Since I have reviewed all Survivor Series events, I figured I might as well post my rankings of the 10 Worst Survivor Series Elimination Matches Ever.

The rules for this are pretty simple. They have traditional elimination matches. I’m not going to include a tag team match with eight wrestlers, like the terrible women’s match at Survivor Series 1999, because that wasn’t an elimination match. The 10 matches you’ll read about below are all elimination matches. My review for two of them from 1997 isn’t in the same format as some of the others. I’m not going to re-write them.

I’m going to paste in my play by play, my star rating, my analysis from the reviews and add in some updated 2019 thoughts in blue font as well.

 

10. Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match: The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) and The New Blackjacks (Bradshaw and Barry Windham) vs. The Godwinns (Henry and Phinneas), Road Dogg and “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn @ Survivor Series 1997

Pre-match notes: A few weeks earlier on Raw, Gunn smashed a boombox over the head of Thrasher. There are two refs involved, one on the inside and one on the outside. Headbangers are faces while the Godwinns teams are the heels.

Windham with some shoulder tackles on Phinneas to start. Windham with a punch to the jaw, then a bodyslam. Bradshaw comes in, hits a powerslam. A charge in the corner is countered by a big boot by Phinneas. Gunn and Dogg don’t want in, so here comes Henry. Bradshaw gets a Russian leg sweep, but his suplex is countered by Henry into one of his own. He whips Bradshaw into the corner, then hits a big clothesline for two. Bradshaw with an abdominal stretch into the pin for the three. That was pretty surprising.

Henry Godwinn eliminated by Bradshaw

Windham works over Phinneas with a suplex. Not exactly the craziest of moves in this match. Gutwrench slam for Windham gets two followed by a clothesline. Phinneas gets a clothesline and that eliminates Windham. Really? I guess so.

Barry Windham eliminated by Phinneas Godwinn

Mosh comes in, drops an elbow and then hits a dropkick. The crowd reacts to the Headbangers at least, unlike the Blackjacks or Godwinns. Here comes Gunn with an elbow. The crowd hates him, which was a good example of the new characters for Dogg and Gunn working well. He gets some offense in, then Mosh hits a clothesline. Whip into the corner by Mosh, he goes for a splash, then his bulldog attempt is countered into a faceplant for Gunn. That gets three by Gunn. Cool spot there.

Mosh eliminated by Billy Gunn

We continue with Thrasher against Phinneas. Lawler asks where McMahon is. JR says he knows while Lawler complains that he doesn’t get told these things. He literally has him in an armbar for two minutes that goes nowhere. Rollup gets two. Shoulder tackle for Thrasher, then an arm drag and another one leading to another armbar. Faceplant by Thrasher on Phinneas, he goes up top and hits a splash with his butt right in the face of Phinneas for the 3.

Phinneas Godwinn eliminated by Thrasher

We’re down to four with Thrasher & Bradshaw against Gunn and Dogg. Bradshaw beats up Dogg, who plays the chicken well, trying to run away at all times. Short arm clothesline for Bradshaw, then a gutwrench powerbomb for him. Gunn slaps him in the back, he pounds on him, Dogg sneaks up from behind and rolls him up for the fluke three count.

Bradshaw eliminated by Road Dogg

Thrasher takes a knee to the back by Gunn that the ref never sees. Dogg’s pumphandle slam attempt is countered into a hip toss. Gunn gets the blind tag, Road Dogg’s pumphandle slam attempt is countered into a pin attempt by Thrasher. While he’s covering, Gunn comes off the top with a legdrop that misses by about 18 inches, but I guess it was supposed to hit because Thrasher goes on his back to take the pinfall.

Thrasher eliminated by Billy Gunn

Survivors: Billy Gunn and Road Dogg @ 15:27

Analysis: * Poor match to start the show. The crowd was dead for anything involving the Godwinns or Blackjacks, but you could tell that Gunn and Road Dogg were really catching on. Other than that, this was pretty brutal.

(This match sucked and the amazing thing about it is there was an even worse elimination match from the same show! That finish was so bad too. What I wrote about the New Age Outlaws was true because they were really building some momentum as a team and would take off a lot more going into 1998. At least we can say something positive that the Outlaws getting the win was the right booking decision.)

 

9. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team Total Divas (Brie Bella, Eva Marie, Jojo, Natalya, Nikki Bella and The Funkadactyls) vs. AJ Lee, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae and Tamina @ Survivor Series 2013

Backstage, AJ Lee spoke to the women on her team while holding the butterfly Divas Title. She asked them if they’re ready. They let Rosa Mendes talk. She still works there? Kaitlyn spoke up to wonder why anybody would help AJ Lee. AJ said it’s not about whether they like her – it’s about them going against the Total Divas. “Start your own show by stealing this one tonight.” Pretty sure they won’t steal the show, but it’s a nice line anyway.

The Total Divas girls came out together to the Total Divas theme song. The heel team walked out to AJ Lee’s song. Light it up and so on.

(It’s a 14-woman match. Too many people!)

Alicia hit a backbreaker on Naomi. Running boot to the face by Alicia, but Naomi came back with a back elbow. A split-legged moonsault by Naomi pinned Alicia. Alicia Fox eliminated by Naomi

Cameron tagged in against Rosa. The Funkadactyls hit a double suplex and a tag team leg drop. Cole talked about how Cameron has a few different personalities. I don’t think any of them can wrestle. Anyway, Cameron missed a corner charge and Rosa covered after that to win. Yes, that was an elimination. Wow. Cameron eliminated by Rosa Mendes

Nikki Bella walked in, gave Rosa the Bella Buster and pinned her. Rosa Mendes eliminated by Nikki Bella

Summer Rae entered the ring and danced to a big reaction. Nikki did a reverse worm. Summer danced like an idiot some more, so Nikki hit a dropkick to the face to pin her. A dropkick? Yes. That was also an elimination. Summer Rae eliminated by Nikki Bella

Eva Marie faced off with Kaitlyn. Fans were booing Eva Marie as she entered. Eva got no offense in as Kaitlyn hit a Gutbuster and pinned her. Eva Marie eliminated by Kaitlyn

Naomi hit a boot to the face of Kaitlyn. She went for an attack, but Kaitlyn caught her and hit a Gutbuster to pin her. Naomi eliminated by Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn went for a Spear on Brie Bella, but that didn’t work as Kaitlyn went crashing into the middle turnbuckle. Brie hit a missile dropkick to the ribs and that was enough to pin Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn eliminated by Brie Bella

Aksana faced off with Brie. AJ kneed Brie in the back when she was running the ropes. Aksana hit a Spinebuster on Brie to eliminate her. Brie Bella eliminated by Aksana

Nikki entered for her team, put Aksana on her shoulders and gave her a modified backbreaker. She covered for the win. Aksana eliminated by Nikki Bella

Tamina entered for her team against Nikki and used her power early on with a suplex. Nikki hit a kick to the arm to free herself. She was looking for Natalya, but Tamina knocked her off the apron. Jojo tagged in as Cole mentioned she doesn’t have a lot of experience. Yeah, but she’s on a reality show so she gets to be in a PPV match. It’s WWE logic. The crowd cheered as Jojo went for a cross body block and a rollup got her a two count. Good spot. Clothesline by Tamina. Samoan Drop by Tamina, who tagged in AJ for her first action of the night. She covered Jojo to eliminate her. Jojo eliminated by AJ Lee

Natalya entered as Cole said she was trying to be the sole survivor for her team. I guess he forgot about Nikki. Tamina attacked Natalya in the corner. She went for a Superfly Splash, but Natalya moved out of the way. Natalya applied the Sharpshooter. Tamina tapped out. Tamina eliminated by Natalya

AJ attacked Natalya immediately. Cole said AJ and Natalya were trying to be sole survivors. He forgot about Nikki, who was there on the apron to prevent Tamina from interfering. Natalya was able to counter a rollup attempt into a Sharpshooter. AJ tapped out. The match went 11:29. AJ Lee eliminated by Natalya

Winners: Natalya & Nikki Bella

Analysis: * That was one of the most rushed elimination matches you’re ever going to see. There were 12 eliminations in 12 minutes. The last three women that took part in the match were three of the better ones, so in terms of organization, it was done the right way. Some of the eliminations were on really basic moves that it didn’t come off that well. At least it ended on the right note. Natalya winning should lead to another Divas Title shot for her in the near future.

(I think one star might be generous. It was way too rushed. Some of the eliminations were so bad they were laughable and it was painful to watch. At least some of the better women like Natalya, AJ Lee and Kaitlyn were able to have decent showings. The result was all about putting over the women on Total Divas since this was early in the show’s run, so of course, WWE wanted to make those women look like bigger stars.) 

 

8. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Val Venis, Gangrel, Mark Henry and Steve Blackman vs. The British Bulldog and The Mean Street Posse (Rodney, Pete Gas, and Joey Abs) @ Survivor Series 1999

Pre-match notes: Val led the lower midcard faces while Bulldog led the lower midcard heels. The partners felt random on the face side. Bulldog was the European Champion at the time. He looked too tanned and looking as huge as ever in terms of using PEDs.

Bulldog with a delayed vertical suplex on Venis. Gas threw some weak punches, then he nailed a kick and hit a slingshot that sent Venis into the corner. Gas with a back suplex. Venis with a corner clothesline and bulldog on Gas. Blackman nailed a dropkick followed by a pump kick to eliminate Gas.

Pete Gas eliminated by Steve Blackman

Rodney got a clothesline on Blackman. Gangrel tagged in and was caught in a pinfall attempt by Rodney for a two count.  Abs nailed Gangrel in the back of the head, then hit Rodney with a punch after Gangrel moved. Gangrel hit the Impaler DDT on Rodney to eliminate him.

Rodney eliminated by Gangrel

Analysis: Loved that finisher by Gangrel. That’s my favorite DDT variation.

Gangrel with a double arm suplex on Abs, who was actually a wrestler instead of being a childhood friend of Shane like Gas and Rodney. Abs missed a running attack and was crotched on the middle rope. Henry nailed a running splash to the back of Abs. Splash by Henry gets three to eliminate Abs.

Joey Abs eliminated by Mark Henry

British Bulldog is the last man left for his team. Henry tossed Bulldog in the air and he crashed into the mat. Gangrel up top, but Bulldog blocked it and hit a superplex to eliminate him.

Gangrel eliminated by British Bulldog

Blackman hit a snap suplex. Bulldog got out of a pinfall attempt and hit a Perfect Plex to eliminate Blackman.

Steve Black eliminated by British Bulldog

The crowd was dead or much of the match. Bulldog hit a leaping clothesline on both guys. Venis hit an inside cradle for a two count. Bulldog sent Venis out of the ring. Henry with a corner splash, body slam and splash on Bulldog. Venis up top and he hit the Money Shot splash to win for the faces at 9:08.

British Bulldog eliminated by Val Venis

Survivors: Val Venis & Mark Henry

Analysis: * A boring match that drew no reactions from the crowd. I don’t even remember if there was much of a storyline going into it. Fans just didn’t seem to care about the match that much. I didn’t care either.

(This was such a random match that meant nothing. There really wasn’t much of a story and I feel like it was just here to fill out the card by getting more guys on the show.)

 

7. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team Raw (Beth Phoenix, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall, Kelly Kelly and Mickie James) vs. Team Smackdown (Michelle McCool, Maria, Maryse, Natalya and Victoria) @ Survivor Series 2008 

The Smackdown girls were: Divas Champion Michelle McCool, Maryse, Natalya, Victoria and Maria. My favorites on that team are Maryse and Natalya – both Canadians.

The Raw team was led by Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix, who had Santino with her. Jillian Hall the bad singer was up next. Candice Michelle and Kelly Kelly were the last two women on that team. My favorites on that team are Mickie and Candice.

McCool took down Phoenix with headscissors in a battle of champions early on. Dropkick by McCool. Maryse tagged in and shoved McCool off the apron. McCool went after her with punches. Maria tagged in with some weak looking forearms followed by a headscissors takedown. Kelly tagged in with a sunset flip on Maria for two. Kelly vs. Maria is not exactly Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels in terms of quality. They went for nearfalls that looked pretty awkward. Victoria tagged in, Kelly hit a hurricanrana and pinned her.

Victoria eliminated by Kelly Kelly

Maryse with a backbreaker on Kelly, who was under the ropes for the pin, yet it still counted because she’s too dumb to grab the rope.

Kelly Kelly eliminated by Maryse

Mickie took down Maryse with a Thesz Press. Maryse tagged in McCool. There were several pinfall exchanged by James and McCool. Legsweep by McCool. James clothesline into a pin, Maria went for a save and hit McCool by accident. Mickie DDT hits on McCool to eliminate her.

Michelle McCool eliminated by Mickie James

Maryse with a ROLLUP OF DEATH~! on James eliminated my favorite.

Mickie James eliminated by Maryse

Analysis: That didn’t look great, but it got the job done I guess.

Natalya overpowered Candice with a takedown. Natalya with a slap, kick to the leg and she applied the Sharpshooter. Candice crawled to the ropes, couldn’t get there and Jillian hit Natalya in the back to break it up. Candice with a Spear on Natalya into a rollup for the elimination.

Natalya eliminated by Candice Michelle

Hall dropped Maria with a Samoan Drop for a two count. Springboard back elbow by Hall. Maria came back with a victory roll to eliminate Hall.

Jillian Hall eliminated by Maria

Candice hit a Northern Lights Suplex on Maria to eliminate her.

Maria eliminated by Candice Michelle

Maryse was left alone for her team against Beth and Candice. Maryse applied a leg submission with the crowd yelling “WOO” although it wasn’t the same as a Figure Four Leglock. Apparently Candice tapped out although the announcers didn’t seem to care.

Candice Michelle eliminated by Maryse

It’s Beth vs. Maryse. Maryse went for an attack of the middle rope, but Beth caught her and Maryse came back with a rollup. Beth came back with the Glam Slam for the win at the 9:39 mark.

Maryse eliminated by Beth Phoenix

Survivor: Beth Phoenix

Analysis: * They tried their best, but it felt rushed with so many eliminations in under ten minutes. It’s hard to get into a match when people are hitting one move or doing a rollup to eliminate somebody else so easily. I know it’s a case of WWE not having faith in the women to go longer than ten minutes during this era. At least things are better today.

(There’s not that much to say other than they were rushed. When you do nine eliminations for a match that went just over nine minutes, that’s just too fast. There’s not much time to tell a story. The normal booking for something like this is to either put a champion over or use the match to build a challenger, so they used this match to put over the champion Phoenix.)

 

6. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Faarooq, Vader, Razor Ramon and Diesel (w/Clarence Mason & Jim Cornette) vs. Savio Vega, Flash Funk, Jimmy Snuka and Yokozuna @ Survivor Series 1996 

Jim Cornette joined the commentary team for this match. He was managing Vader at the time.

Pre-match notes: Faarooq was the leader of the heel team. Razor and Diesel were the ripoff versions of the characters. Fake Diesel was Glenn Jacobs, who was previously Isaac Yankem and later Kane. The face team were led by Savio Vega. Yokozuna was in a face role for the first time in his career. Snuka was a mystery partner. He was way past his prime by this point.

Vader worked on Funk early, but Funk came back with a cross body block that sent Vader out of the ring. Moonsault off the top by Funk onto Vader on the floor. Great move. Back in the ring, Vader nailed a clothesline followed by a Powerbomb. Yokozuna looking bigger than ever went into the ring for a sloppy one handed slam. Cornette on Yoko: “He’s bigger than a mobile home!” Vega with a spinning back kick on Faarooq. Vega nailed Razor with punches. Fallaway slam by Razor on Vega and then they tagged out. Diesel crushed Funk with a clothesline. Dropkick by Funk on Faarooq, but then Faarooq came back with a spinebuster. Vader clothesline on Funk. Vega showed a lot of fight against the heels. Snuka went in for the first time with chops on Diesel. Snuka nailed a flying headbutt to Vader followed by a body slam. There were some quick tags. Vader sent Vega out of the ring and Faarooq sent Vega back first into the ring post. Diesel was the legal man, so he hit a Jackknife Powerbomb to eliminate Vega.

Savio Vega eliminated by Diesel

Snuka with a body slam on Razor with Vince noting that Snuka was put in the Hall of Fame one night earlier. Snuka went up top and hit the Superfly Splash to eliminate Razor.

Razor Ramon eliminated by Jimmy Snuka

Diesel hit Snuka in the back with a chair. Vega ran back down to the ring and all eight guys started to brawl. Vega nailed Diesel with a chair and Snuka hit Diesel with a chair shot as well. It was announced that there were no winners due to a disqualification. JR said that was premature and Vince disagreed. The match was over at the 9:48 mark.

Match ends by disqualification. No survivors.

Analysis: 1/2* Brutal match with a horrible finish. Vader should have been the sole survivor here, but WWE soured on him. The reality is that no matter what match was in this spot it would have a hard time following the classic match before it. The match may have been cut short because it was such a shitty finish.

(This was just poor booking and I feel bad for the talent for not being able to have a better match. The classic match before it was the Bret Hart/Steve Austin nearly 30-minute classic that I rated five stars out of five at Survivor Series 1996. Also, anything that WWE did with the fake Diesel and Razor characters were among the worst things that WWE has ever done. They really should have just booked Vader strong and have him as the sole survivor.)

 

5. Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Mercenaries (Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov and The Orient Express – Sato and Tanaka – w/Mr. Fuji and General Adnan) vs. The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana and The Bushwhackers – Luke and Butch) @ Survivor Series 1990

Prior to the next match, Sgt. Slaughter was interviewed talking about how he salutes Iraq. He mocked American soldiers in the Middle East that didn’t have a good turkey dinner liked he did. Monsoon called him a despicable piece of garbage.

(I included that part just to put over how amazing Gorilla Monsoon was on commentary. Love that man. RIP Gorilla.)

Pre-match notes: Slaughter’s leading the heels while Volkoff is a new American hero after being anti-American for many years. Slaughter turned heel prior to this as an Iraqi sympathizer leading to the biggest push of his career. There’s a lack of star power in this match. It’s sorely lacking in big names.

Santana hit Zhukov with the flying forearm to eliminate him in under one minute.

Boris Zhukov eliminated by Tito Santana

Tanaka tagged in and hit Sato with a kick by accident because Santana moved. Butch with running shoulder tackles on Tanaka. Bushwhackers did their battering ram move on Sato and pinned him.

Sato eliminated by Butch

Analysis: Sato wasn’t the legal man, but nobody seemed to care.

Tanaka nailed Butch with a move that we didn’t see because the camera wasn’t on him. Tanaka missed a splash. Santana tagged in and hit a flying forearm to eliminate Tanaka.

Tanaka eliminated by Tito Santana

It’s Sgt. Slaughter left alone against four guys. Slaughter hit a clothesline on Volkoff followed by four elbow drops. Piper was ripping on Slaughter a lot on commentary. Slow pace by Slaughter led to a dropkick by him, which is a rare move for him. Elbow drop by Slaughter pinned Volkoff.

Nikolai Volkoff eliminated by Sgt. Slaughter

Analysis: One of the worst eliminations I’ve ever seen in a Survivor Series match in terms of the effort in the moves. I almost fell asleep watching that sequence and I’m not even tired.

Bushwhackers hit a double body slam on Slaughter followed by a double clothesline. Luke with a back elbow on Slaughter. Luke went up top, he went for a splash and Slaughter got the knees up. Gutbuster by Slaughter (knee to the ribs) eliminated Luke.

Luke eliminated by Sgt. Slaughter

Butch went after Slaughter with punches. Slaughter sent him into the turnbuckle and then nailed a clothesline to pin him.

Butch eliminated by Sgt. Slaughter

Analysis: That’s three straight eliminations for Slaughter. Earlier I mentioned he won the WWE Title at the Royal Rumble two months after this. That’s why he was booked so strongly there.

Santana with a back body drop on Slaughter. Santana went up top and hit a flying forearm smash to knock him down. Slaughter blocked a monkey flip attempt as Santana landed hard on his back. Neckbreaker by Slaughter gets two. Backbreaker by Slaughter gets two. Slaughter sent Santana into the ropes, but the ref Danny Davis got bumped. Santana nailed the flying forearm smash. Adnan went into the ring and hit Santana in the back with the Iraqi flag. Slaughter put the Camel Clutch on Santana and it looked like Slaughter won the match, but the referee ended up disqualifying Slaughter because of Adnan using the flag as a weapon. Santana survives at the 10:52 mark.

Sgt. Slaughter eliminated by disqualification

Survivor: Tito Santana

Analysis: 1/2* What an awful match. Probably the worst Survivor Series tag match I’ve seen (within the first four years). I gave it half a star because at least they put in some effort to keep it above DUD level, but it was a boring match. Slaughter lost because they likely didn’t want to put him in the main event match with Hogan and Warrior to save his confrontations with them for future events. The best thing about this match is that it was the shortest elimination match to date.

(What I said at the end there was true. At least it was kept short. It was the worst  There were some terrible workers in this match, so it was never going to be good. Some of the eliminations were so brutal. Slaughter would go on to win his first and only WWE Title two months later at Royal Rumble and then he main evented WrestleMania 7 when he lost the title to Hulk Hogan.)

 

4. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner and Hercules (w/Mr. Fuji and General Adnan) vs. Sgt. Slaughter, Jim Duggan, The Texas Tornado and Tito Santana @ Survivor Series 1991 

Pre-match notes: Colonel Mustafa was really The Iron Sheik with a different name. I remember being a kid watching this and wondering why they would change the name of a guy that was a World Champion. He was the captain of the heel team while Slaughter was the captain of the face team. Slaughter was the biggest heel in WWE and the World Champion earlier in the year, but he went back to being a proud American by the end of the year. The heel team is awful.

Santana nailed a flying forearm on Skinner early on, but Skinner landed outside the ring. Santana wasn’t able to capitalize with a pin. Berzerker missed a leaping attack off the middle rope, so Tornado tagged in. The heels worked on Tornado a bit, but then he broke free. Hercules looked like he was using more steroids here than any of the other years and he was big in those years too. Berzerker nailed Duggan in the back as the heels worked on Duggan in their corner. Back elbow by Berzerker. Mustafa tagged in with a chinlock. Shoulder tackle by Duggan on Mustafa. Duggan ran the ropes and Mustafa slowed him down with a double thrust to the neck. Duggan with a vertical suplex on Mustafa. Slaughter tagged in, atomic drop and a short clothesline eliminates Mustafa.

Col. Mustafa eliminated by Sgt. Slaughter

Analysis: That helped put that storyline to bed.

Berzerker worked on Slaughter for a bit including a big boot to the face. Berzerker wasn’t doing the “HUSS” thing very much at this point in his run. Slaughter crotched Berzerker on the top rope followed by a kick to the leg. Duggan clothesline on Berzerker sent him over the top to the floor. Tornado was in there with a spin punch to Berzerker. Sloppy move by Tornado as he avoided an attack by Hercules. Santana tagged in with a flying forearm to Hercules to eliminate him.

Hercules eliminated by Tito Santana

Skinner attacked Santana as it’s four on two for the faces. Clothesline by Berzerker on Santana. Slaughter tagged in for his team, did the ROLLUP OF DEATH~! on Skinner and eliminated him.

Skinner eliminated by Sgt. Slaughter

Duggan tagged in, hit his running clothesline on Berzerker and pinned him at 14:19.

The Berzerker eliminated by Jim Duggan

Survivors: Sgt. Slaughter, Jim Duggan, The Texas Tornado and Tito Santana

Analysis: DUD It was so bad that it gets the DUD rating. I almost went into the negatives here. What a terrible match. The moves sucked, the eliminations were poorly done and there was very little drama or excitement in the match. My favorite part about it was when it was over.

(It’s crazy to think that somebody thought it was a good idea to give them nearly 15 minutes. The heel team is one of the worst teams in Survivor Series history with ridiculous gimmicks that weren’t over very. The face team was popular and WWE really wanted to make Slaughter a good guy again in his final run as a wrestler, so this was about putting him over along with his friends. I remember the Texas Tornado was really popular at this time. The Berzerker is one of my favorite terrible gimmicks in wrestling history – HUSS HUSS!)

 

Now we reach the final three where they all made it into the negative star rating rankings.

3. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger and The Headshrinkers – Samu and Fatu – (with Luna Vachon and Afa) vs. The Four Doinks (The Bushwhackers – Luke and Butch – and Men on a Mission – Mabel and Mo) (with Oscar) @ Survivor Series 1993 

There was a promo from Bam Bam Bigelow’s team with Bam Bam joining up with Bastion Booger, Samu and Fatu. They were eating turkeys. Bobby Heenan said, “Booger is my pick” for Superstar of the Year. Well played, Bobby.

The faces made their entrance with the Bushwhackers walking out in Doink face paint. Then Men on a Mission showed up with the Doink face paint. Vince McMahon was WAY too excited on commentary while Heenan commented that they came up with a clever surprise as a joke. Vince kept doing his over the top laugh and said “we’re having some fun, folks.” Sure, Vince. Put down the vodka.

Pre-match notes: The heels are Bigelow’s team. The faces are The four Doinks, who are all dressed with Doink face paint.

It sounded like the fans were chanting “We Want Doink” because Doink wasn’t there. Booger splashed Luke early on with no cover. Luke bit Booger’s ass, which is a description I’m not proud to write about. Samu hit a headbutt on Luke. Samu popped a water balloon held by Mo and Luke pinned Samu with a ROLLUP OF DEATH~!

Samu eliminated by Luke

Fatu worked on Luke for a bit. Booger tagged in with a leg drop on Luke. Booger did his seated splash on Luke, but he didn’t cover. Booger ate a banana and missed another splash attempt because Mabel moved Luke out of the way. Battering Ram by the Bushwhackers and then Mabel hit a leg drop to eliminate Booger even though Luke was the legal man.

Bastion Booger eliminated by Mabel

Analysis: That was so awful. Luke was the legal man, Mabel pulled him out of the way and then was able to pin Booger. They didn’t try to explain it.

Fatu worked over Luke and Mo was in the ring with a scooter. Vince on commentary: “What is going on?” The referee Tim White had lost control as Bigelow hit a dropkick to the back of Mo. Fatu hit a top rope splash on Mo and didn’t cover because he saw a banana peel. What? Anyway, Butch just goes into the ring, teases throwing a bucket of water on Fatu (it was an empty bucket), Fatu slipped on a banana peel and then simply pins him off that.

Fatu eliminated by Butch

Analysis: Another pin without a tag. This match is hurting my brain.

Bigelow tossed both Bushwhackers and Mo out of the ring. Big man Mabel was in there as Vince was marking out about how big Mabel was. Shoulder tackle by Mabel. Bigelow avoided an attack in the corner and hit a shoulder tackle. Bigelow slammed a Bushwhacker, but the other Bushwhacker threw bananas on Luna. Mo splashed Bigelow in the turnbuckle and then Mabel did. Mabel hit a splash on Bigelow, his three teammates jumped on top and that was enough to beat Bigelow at the 10:58 mark.

Bam Bam Bigelow by Mabel

Survivors: Mabel, Mo, Luke & Butch

Analysis: -* It gets the minus star treatment. A comedy match that was painful to watch in 1993 and even worse today. It was barely funny at any point. If you want an example of why business was down for WWE in 1993 and why it was one of the worst years in company history, this match explains it. At one point, McMahon asked: “What is going on?” I don’t know, Vince. You booked this shit! Please apologize to us for it. Seriously Vince. It’s been 23 years. Apologize to us, pal! Now! Thank you.

(I tried to watch this again for the sake of this column and I just couldn’t sit through it all. I just went to the finish. What a brutal f’n match this is. I get the point of it in wanting to put the faces over, but it was so tough to watch. The presence of Bastion Booger didn’t help since he was one of the worst gimmicks in WWE history and that’s saying a lot considering how many bad ones there have been. I feel bad for Bigelow, who was one of the best big man wrestlers ever, yet there were many moments in his career where he was booked in the worst matches and angles. This is another example of that.)

 

2. Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Truth Commission (The Interrogator, Jackyl, Sniper and Recon) vs. Disciples of Apocalypse (Crush, Chainz, 8-Ball and Skull) @ Survivor Series 1997

Pre-match notes: The Truth Commission were fairly new here while DOA had been stinking up the ring with terrible matches all year, so they got a nice reaction. The Truth Commission’s theme music? Stomping feet. You think I’m kidding. I’m not.

Chainz and The Interrogator start us off. Interrogator’s the biggest guy in the match, and he’s somebody that we would later know as Kurrgan. He hits a sidewalk slam on Chainz for the first pinfall about a minute into the match.

Chainz eliminated by Interrogator

Recon (later known as Bull Buchanan) gets his turn in there. He tags in Jackyl, the smallest member of the team that was basically the manager of the group. He hits a knee drop off the top, then gets beat up by 8-Ball with a spinning sidewalk slam of his own to eliminate Jackyl.

Jackyl eliminated by 8-Ball

Sniper gets a back elbow for two. A crossbody gets him, then Jackyl joins commentary. Crush works on Recon with a back elbow, then a couple of legdrops. Belly to belly suplex gets him two. I’m actually surprised Crush hit an actual move. Recon and Skull collide, then the other bald twin just walks in there without a tag. He gets a clothesline for two. They had two refs and they are still blind. Sniper takes a swinging neckbreaker by one bald brother, who then tags in his brother and they hit the double chokeslam for the long two because The Interrogator kept the ref busy. So what’s the point of two refs? That’s actually a good tag team finishing move. They used it when they were in WCW a few years after this as the Harris Brothers. Skull hit a clothesline on Recon to eliminate him.

Recon eliminated by Skull

Interrogator gets a cheap shot in, then a bulldog by Sniper gets the pinfall on 8-Ball or Skull, JR still doesn’t know which one it is.

Skull eliminated by Sniper

Even the announcers are mentioning how bad the refs are. Crush slows down an already slow match with leg scissors. In comes 8-Ball (I guess), Interrogator gets a blind tag as Skull gets the DDT on Sniper. The Interrogator comes in, barely lifts 8-Ball up two feet on the ground and drops him with a sidewalk slam that I guess is supposed to look devastating. It looked terrible. Of course, it pins him.

8-Ball eliminated by Interrogator

Crush goes for a suplex, but that’s blocked. Interrogator tags in Sniper, who quickly gets pinned with a move that was supposed to be a tilt a whirl slam. It just didn’t look very much like it.

Sniper eliminated by Crush

Interrogator comes in right away, hits another sidewalk slam. Hey, at least he picked him up high enough to where it actually looked okay. Thankfully that ended this terrible match.

Crush eliminated by Interrogator

Survivor: The Interrogator @ 9:59

Analysis: -* If you want to watch a match where the most acrobatic move is a bulldog then this is the match for you. The story of this match is that a sidewalk slam is a devastating move. I wonder why that didn’t catch on.

(I’ll never forget this match because it was WWE’s attempt to try to make a freakin’ sidewalk slam into a devastating finishing move! It’s not a finisher and the fans know it, but they had the Interrogator – terrible name, by the way – use it repeatedly and it was just so tough to watch. How many drugs do you have to be on to think that The Interrogator was a good name for a wrestler AND to think that a sidewalk slam was a good finisher? Don’t answer that. Just don’t do drugs, kids. At least Kurrgan went on to have some success in movies, so props to him for that!)

 

1. Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Royal Family (Jerry Lawler, Sleazy, Queasy and Cheesy) vs.  Clowns R’ Us (Doink the Clown, Dink the Clown, Pink and Wink)

Jerry Lawler entered with his team as Diesel was shown talking on the WWF Hotline. Doink entered with his team. Can you hear me groaning? I am doing plenty of that at this moment. Trust me.

Pre-match notes: Lawler was the heel leading the three little people while Doink was the face leading three little people as well. The rules were that Lawler and Doink had to face eachother – they couldn’t face off with a midget.

They did a spot where Doink had Lawler on the ground and Lawler’s three teammates all ran over him. They did the spot again with Lawler holding Doink in the armbar and then Lawler’s teammates tripped over. Oh the hilarity. Doink with thee body slams to Lawler leading to the three clown midgets to do some comedy. The heels did the same spot, but Lawler bumped after his heavy midget landed on him. One of the midgets put on a Burger King hat on Lawler and Vince was freaking out on commentary: “That does it!” More Burger King chants. Doink put Dink on his shoulders, so Lawler went on Queasy’s shoulders and fell face first as everybody laughed. This is terrible. The midgets ran the ropes leading to the little Doinks hitting Lawler’s guys. Lawler hit Doink in the head with some object, which was nothing. Doink tossed Lawler into Lawler’s three teammates that were up against the ropes. Back elbow by Doink on Lawler as the six midgets fought on the apron. Doink with a flying cross body block off the middle ropes, Lawler rolled through and hooked the tights for the cover. Vince on commentary: “The unthinkable has happened.” He said it because Lawler can’t face one of the little people – he could only wrestle Doink.

Doink eliminated by Jerry Lawler

Analysis: Actually Vince, the unthinkable is that you thought this would be a good idea.

The faces were in control. Lawler held onto the strap of one of his guys and then his guy eliminated one of the little people.

Wink eliminated by Cheesy

The most entertaining part of the match is Vince trying to get the names of the little people right while messing up all the time. One of the heels distracted the ref, so Lawler picked up Cheesy and dropped him on top of Pink to eliminate him.

Pink eliminated by Cheesy

Dink was cleaning house against the heels. He nailed a suplex. Dink went up top with a splash. Lawler tried to break up the pin, the ref blocked it and the other heel midget put his guy on top. The match went 16:05.

Dink eliminated by Sleazy

Survivors: Jerry Lawler, Sleazy, Cheesy and Queasy

Analysis: -** If you want an example of what was wrong with WWE in the mid-1990s, this match will explain it for you. My favorite part was when it was over. I should have hit fast forward. I hate myself for not doing that. The “story” if you want to call it that is that Lawler cheated for every elimination.

After the match was over, Lawler yelled at his three teammates saying he won it for his team. Lawler’s music played and the little guys celebrated outside the ring. Lawler chased them out of the ring. The three little Doink guys re-emerged. The six little guys chased after Lawler, so they ran up the aisle with Lawler stopping in the aisle. Doink showed up with a pie, so that when Lawler turned around, Doink threw the pie in his face. It looked like pumpkin pie. Doink’s music played while Vince did his over the top laugh.

Analysis: That was brutal. If you think wrestling today is bad, just remember stuff like this existed over 20 years ago. This was way worse than anything we see today.

(Bad WWE comedy at its worst. One of the worst matches in WWE history and in my opinion, the worst Survivor Series elimination match ever. At least Vince thought it was f’n hilarious, so I guess that’s all that matters to him.)

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This was nearly 7,000 words in length. When I did the ten best, it was over double that word length. That just shows how wordy I can be when I have great matches to write about and how I just want to get through it when it’s bad! If you want to read even more about Survivor Series, just remember I have the complete Survivor Series review archive right here.

That’s all for this column looking back at the ten worst Survivor Series matches of all time. Thanks for reading.