WWE Raw Commentfest for 03/26/18 by John Canton

It’s the return of WWE Raw Commentfest after a week off. I wasn’t able to do this post last week because of the Daniel Bryan return news that broke last Tuesday. However, it’s back this week and until the week Raw after WrestleMania. After that, I’m not sure if it will continue because it takes a while to do this. Anyway, here’s an explanation of what Commentfest is.

Commentfest is where we dive deeper into WWE Monday Night Raw to give you even more witty and smartass comments about WWE’s weekly Monday show. The comments come from loyal TJRWrestling readers on my Facebook page. Their comments will appear in blue and red font while my comments (often times sarcastic) will be in black in (parentheses) like that. To help break up some of the text, I’ll insert some clips from Raw at the part where the readers are talking about it. I won’t do it for the whole show, but a few clips helps to break up the text. I sifted through the comments to pick out the best ones. Let’s get to it. (I just copy that in every week. Saves time.)

Brock Lesnar brutalizes injured Roman Reigns: Raw, March 26, 2018

Commentfest now available On Demand on the WWE Network. Only $9.99 a month with one month free (new subscribers only). What are you waiting for…Commentfest and WrestleMania free!

Welcome to Commentfest as we in unison raise our voices to demand Michael Cole to be Deleted!! (True.)

Welcome to commentfest! Where…something something don’t print that.

Don’t start running down Roman’s family you numpty!

Is Paul rocking a……spray tan tonight?? (Feel the glow.)

I didn’t think it was possible, but I care less about this Roman/Brock feud than the first one. Miracles, I say. Miracles.

Typical WWE. If a feud ain’t working, just turn the “babyface” into Stone Cold Steve Austin. (Too bad none make the money for WWE that Austin did.)

You know you’re tired of Lesnar when even Paul Heyman promos are getting old….

This Roman and Brock feud makes me want to take a Leake. (Google it, kids.)

Crowd chanting “One more Time” ..wrong response!

I can’t wait to hear the WM crowd “reaction” when Reigns wins the belt. At this point they’d have to have Lesnar kidnap Roman’s kids and kill their puppy before Roman would be cheered as the underdog hero Vince wants him to be….. (Don’t give them ideas!)

Once again, Roman brought this on himself by coming out there and grabbing a weapon to try and attack Brock. Brock was just defending himself. If Roman didn’t want to get his ass kicked, he shouldn’t have started shit. (Reminds me of a few bar fights I’ve seen in my life. I was never a participant. Too nice!)

Every time Cole says “literally” I hear Inigo Montoya talking in my head. “You Keep Using That Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means”

Brock Lesnar giving it the I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU treatment.

Brock is giving Roman the old Saskatchewan vasectomy.

And this is why Punk left. (Thanks for posting, Triple H.)

What an AWESOME ass kicking by Lesnar!

Maggle, Maggle, Maggle, Maggle, Maggle, Maggle, Maggle! Michael Cole says they didn’t expect Roman Reigns to be there DESPITE the opening in the barricade and the CLEAR path to the ring for Roman Reigns to be there!

It took him the entire commercial break to get up? (It’s called selling.)

If Reigns and Lesnar do another tug of war with the belt like they did that one year, I’m out….

Nia Jax vs. Mickie James: Raw, March 26, 2018

Why does Nia always look confused when she walks out?

At least she’s not coming out to Brie Mode.

So if Alexa said all of that to Mickie with the boom microphone on, what makes Mickie think that Alexa doesn’t say the same things about her? Ooops.. my bad.. Logic thinking again. (Hey Logic.)

Alexa and Nia have a dysfunctional relationship. But so did Woody and Buzz. They worked it out and made it back to the van! I believe in you girls! (I enjoy Toy Story references.)

Mickie James needs a win as bad as Dolph Ziggler needs a one-on-one match on the Wrestlemania card…

Heel Mickie is relentless and fun to watch…any Mickie James is fun to watch though.

Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked. Somebody’s gonna get their weave ripped.

Nia’s in ring limitations are pretty obvious tonight against Mickie. (Very poor selling from Nia.)

Nia’s getting a really solid reaction tonight. Really hot crowd.

Ohhhh, she said “bitch” uncensored. I bet Vince McMahon is having a heart attack. (Thanks for posting, Linda McMahon.)

Good to know the crew in the truck can’t time out a censorship to save their lives. Nia calling Alexa a bitch and not one competent person knew how to work the audio controls? That’s funny!

Damn Triple H looking old as hell. (Thanks for posting, Chyna. Rest in peace.)

If they give Stephanie any offense then it’s a joke.

Wow!!! Awesome, Awesome Package! (Some people love Hunter and Steph.)

I got 2 words for you….yawn and YAWN. (And some people don’t love them.)

Stephanie & HHH are such great salespeople, that’s easy to believe their bullshit…Great sale for the match!

A cruiserweight on RAW? What year is this?

Cruiserweight tag team match? It’s like they are trying to promote a match or something at Wrestlemania… when they should be trying to promote 205 Live… but you didn’t hear that from me…

Damn, Spud is selling 205 Live better than anyone else has.

Heart and soul of 205 Live? They’ll be the first match on the pre-show as the doors open. (WrestleMania fun!)

They talk about Cedric Alexander being impressive since the Cruiserweight Classic, but neglect to mention Perkins won the tournament.

Well…that match epitomizes the cruiserweight division. They didn’t give a shit enough to give it decent time. It’s a 3 hour show WWE, why the hurry? Is Ellias performing next?

The Miz and The Miztourage set a trap for Seth Rollins and Finn Bálor: Raw, March 26, 2018

Wait another Miz TV? Wow very creative WWE.

Didn’t they do a MizTV with Rollins and Balor already? (WWE is so creative!)

I like Miz, I like Rollins, and I like Balor. But we do not need ANOTHER MizTV segment with the three of them.

Miz TV……….didn’t we do this segment two weeks ago?

Miz is bringing fire.

C’mon Seth bring J and J security out as an example.

Why on earth are wrestlers always so gullible? (Because the booking is bad.)

I’m confused, which is really no different from any Monday.

Hahah…Okay, that Mr Perfect line was brilliant.

Now that’s how you execute a plan.

RAW gets Rowdy? Oh no. K-Kwik is back? (Let’s ask R-Truth…oh wait.)

The SUBTLETY in the way Balor just stepped over Rollins to get the IC title. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!! #ForeShadowingYo!!!

I’m ready for Asuka. But I’m not ready for my wife to find out, so don’t print this. (Divorces last forever.)

Asuka’s opponent is Killer Frost.

Who da hell was that??

Cole must be deleted!!!!!

Cole still shitting on Ultimate Deletion. Must not have seen the ratings for it.

Matt Hardy did what John Cena, Roman Reigns and the goddamn Undertaker couldn’t do- he totally destroyed Bray Wyatt. Well, him and the bookers... (A team effort clearly.)

The Andre The Giant Battle Royal aka The We Ain’t Pushing None of These Chumps Battle Royal.

The Count from Sesame St. > Elias.

Bayley “bailed” on Sasha! Ha ha, see what I did there?

Bayley and Sasha………….I love their wrestling but their acting is not so good.

Bayley brawling with Banks is like AC Slater brawling with Zack Morris. (Riveting television.)

I really wish they would have saved this. Have Sasha cheat to eliminate Bayley from the battle royal and then the next night on Raw have that be the last straw that leads to the backstage brawl.

Sheamus is gonna get the “Oz” treatment from Braun here. It’s a shameful thing. (Too many limes…)

I’m starting to love Strowman on the mic. Sounds like he looks.

This is the best thing they’ve done with Sheamus and Cesaro…..I love The Bar!

Ronda Rousey meets Absolution: Raw, March 26, 2018

I wonder how much WWE is paying to use the rights to “Bad Reputation…” (Everybody has a price.)

What the heck is that red stuff under Ronda’s eyes? Did she cry marinara sauce or something?

I REALLY really hope Ronda is good in the ring. It’ll be hard to tell against Steph, but I look forward to seeing her against someone like Sasha/Charlotte/Becky etc….

Ronda needs a Heyman. She can’t cut a promo. She sounds like a robot.

I fucking hate the “What” chants.

I miss Paige wrestling. (Same.)

Paige’s eye shadow combined with that stuff under Ronda’s eyes…..

Maybe Asuka helped Ronda with makeup?

How many times is Paige gonna say “baby girl” in this promo? (27 or maybe 28.)

Ronda makes Asuka sound like Jake “The Snake” Roberts promo-wise.

Also, Paige is clearly taking makeup lessons from the Joker.

This whole thing makes no sense. I realize that this is supposed to make Ronda look tough ahead of her match but who the hell thinks she can’t take Steph? My 70 year old mother could whip Steph’s ass. (Yeah but Vince wants everybody to think his daughter is tough. It’s nice when you own a company.)

WWE HAS to get over the whole “we didn’t create it, so we must bury it” thing they have against Gallows and Anderson. You think they would have learned by now….

I’m not sure if this show fell off a cliff or if it started at the bottom of the pit. (Both.)

A random Rhyno has appeared! To job!

Ah Rhyno……I almost forgot he had entrance music.

I’ve heard figure skating crowds louder than this…

It’s a fucking shame. Rhyno is a former ECW champ, and he’s relegated to teaming with Heath who gives a fuck Slater. At this point Rhyno’s done more jobs than Sweet Georgia Brown in the 60s. (The money is good!)

Why does Elias’ music sound like martians are supposed to land at the beginning?

Two weeks from WrestleMania annd WWE decided to give us this show!! MINUS FIVE STARS!!!

For fuck’s sake, Cena! Walk away fucking gracefully. Even Chris Evans is walking away from fucking Avengers movies, and they’re worth billions.

Kane is back. What’s next? Roseanne will make a comeback? (That’s a timely tweet.)

That Money in the Bank footage did more tricks to avoid showing He Who Shall Not Be Named than a magician does in a magic show.

John Cena vs. Kane - No Disqualification Match: Raw, March 26, 2018

It’s 10:45 p.m…. and John Cena and Kane are in the main event… what year is this, 2004? (Thanks for posting, fan of young talent.)

This music for Kane is terrible. I miss his original theme. VOTE JACOBS.

If this were a video game, Kane would be the First Level Boss to Undertaker’s Final Boss.

All that’s missing is Zack Ryder in a neck brace and wheelchair. WWWYKI VOTE JACOBS.

No DQ match and we have a chinlock. (Riveting television!)

Kane’s campaign slogan should be “Vote for me or I’ll hook up a car battery to your testicles.”

Kane is running through Cena like a knockoff Mack truck. A fake Diesel if you will. (Thanks for posting, Kevin Nash.)

Nothing quite as fresh as a Cena-Kane match.

That was awful.

Kane’s obviously been attending a lot of fundraising dinners lately lol.

Put Cena out of his misery? How about you put us all out of our misery and end this shit. (Well said!)

Cena better not hurt Kane, he has a campaign.

Night after night, boring promo after boring promo… we can’t see you when we obviously can… what’s your true beef Mr. Cena?

John’s coming off as kind of a whiny little baby. (Word life.)

I can’t believe Cena chokeslammed Kane. (Thanks for posting, The Undertaker.)

I would rather listen to Booker T call a Melina vs Alicia Fox match than see Kane vs Cena again. (That’s harsh.)

Like honestly who the fuck is John Cena to think that the Undertaker has to prove something to him. Good lord. Dude’s 53 and has wrestled for 25 years. If anyone deserves to care only for himself at this point, it’s Taker. (Thanks for posting, Michelle McTaker.)

Cena’s logic is almost nonexistent here, expecting ANYONE to believe that ‘Taker doesn’t care, despite the fact that he wrestled until the age of 52 and has artificial bones in him!

I was really looking forward to Cena vs Undertaker but they have lost me. Is it to much to ask for some buildup to a match? Cena calling out the Undertaker for 5 weeks with no response is stupid and boring. Even if Undertaker don’t show up at least have the match official with the buildup one sided like with Bray Wyatt in 2015.

Gosh.. came back to Commentfest for this? I mean.. really… Let me go back to my corner… you all have a good night… and remember, don’t do drugs…

Annnnnnnnd that was a show that happened. And we all watched it. Now let us never speak of it again.

That ends another Commentfest and what have we learned tonight WWE puts on the dumbest Raw in awhile………..Mickie James is miscast as anyone’s lackey, she should be champion by now……..Brock Lesnar doesn’t know how to sell and he can take a flying leap……….WWE Creative sucks……..And John Cena is an A-hole so it’s time to say goodbye and remember this year’s WM looks great but the build is lacking because a 70 year old owner is insane…bye everyone.

Well, there’s 3 hours of my life I’ll never get back…Just so we can end Commentfest on a good note:

Thank you for that. That’s all for us this week.