It’s time for the fourth edition of Commentfest for WWE Monday Night Raw. I’d like to thank our sponsors for delivering Commentfest this week: ICOPRO, WBF, WWF New York, the XFL and Alpha Entertainment. We couldn’t do it without you.
The comments come from loyal TJRWrestling readers on my Facebook page. Their comments will appear in blue and red font while my comments (often times sarcastic) will be in black in (parentheses) like that. To help break up some of the text, I’ll insert some clips from Raw at the part where the readers are talking about it. I won’t do it for the whole show, but a few clips helps to break up the text. I sifted through the comments to pick out the best ones. Let’s get to it.
Commentfest: You watch it. Canton writes about it and we make vaguely crude sexual innuendos. It’s got something for everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen……..My name is not Paul Heyman but I am an advocate for the…REIGNING, DEFENDING, BEST WRESTLING DISCUSSION PAGE on the internet COMMENTFEST!!!! We are the Kings & Queens of Sarcasm and comedy…..We are so good we can make 3 hours of Cole talking feel like Aidan English singing for 3 hours…..We are so good Dave Meltzer gives us 6 stars( and he doesn’t know we exist)…we are better than the WWE Creative team!!!! And now on the behalf of the guys & Women here I say WELCOME to COMMENTFEST CITY!!!! *drops microphone*
In memory of Booker T on RAW….John Canton’s got all the tools. (Thanks, I think.)
Commentfest; It gets more views than Impact Wrestling.
Hi everyone! Let’s hope tonight’s Raw isn’t the drizzling shits! Positive thinking! (Thanks for posting, Triple H.)
Welcome to Commentfest. Get your shit and get out. (Well said.)
IT’S COMMENTFEST TIME!!!
If Cena stood in front of a green screen, we really wouldn’t see him.
Why, in the BLUEST, of blue Hells, are they showing stills from last week’s Raw, instead of video?!
If you took a shot for each time Cena has pointed at that WrestleMania sign… You would be staggering out of that promo…
Stills and no video? Is Baba Booey producing this week instead of Kevin Dunn? (Baba Booey!)
It’s John Cena! Shoved down our throats by Vince McMahon for the 9,000th time!
Commentfest! Or in Spanish, el comment-festo! Or in German, Kommentar festival! Or in Canadian…. hockey hockey Molson Gretzky aboot sorry festival. (I didn’t know we had a language here in Canada, but you forgot curling pal!)
I may not be a fan of Cena, but him and Miz going mic to mic is always great.
Am I the only person that would actually enjoy Miz vs Lesnar? Yes? Ok then……..
Someone call Marty Mcfly the Miz just went back to 2011.
I’m not sure I’m gonna have a road to Wrestlemania. Bigger than any lie Trump has told. (Thanks for posting, Linda McMahon.)
What an odd way to celebrate Rusev Day.
Wow those odds sure are stacked against Cena… would be a shame if someone were to……… overcome them.
If this is 2011, when do we get the CM Punk promo?
Not a bad match.
The Miz deserves the big 6 month long world title run. He’s earned it. (The Universe is bigger than the world.)
Miz kicked out of an AA? Yesss, he’s finally ELEVATED!!
This is SO much better than 7 years ago! Miz truly has become awesome since then.
Ok, that post match move by Cena got me right in the feels.
So they announce the loser now? That’s different lol. (Congrats Miz for losing!)
It would have been nice if, you know, Cena getting beat down before the match had any consequences whatsoever, but hell of a good match.
Hope the road to Wrestlemania has snow plows on it. (Thanks for posting, Mr. Plow. That name again is Mr. Plow.)
Hold on. 40 minutes into Raw and I’m not bored? What the F??? (Sorry?)
Here’s to hoping the XFL succeeds so Vince continues to be distracted. (Thanks for posting, He Hate Me.)
LMFAO! I love those nerd punches! (Nerds love them.)
Revive the Revival.
No one’s talking about Smash Mouth, Cole. You might as well be walking on the sun with that comment.
Why are they showing pictures of last week’s Raw it’s not looking back at a PPV in WCW?
Gallows and Anderson have been one step forward, three steps back for nearly 2 years. Vince McMahon obviously doesn’t care for New Japan. (Thanks for posting, Bullet Club shirt owner.)
Kerwin White Approves of the Corbin/Ziggler match tomorrow.
WWE has yet to pull the trigger on The Bullet Club. Ha ha, I kill me.
If you’re not down with RAW, we got two words for ya: ~ROMAN REIGNS~!
Ronda getting that heat. She’ll be heel by Summerslam.
Heel crowd booing Jason’s injury lol. (Classy wrestling fans.)
Rollins vs Angle at WM…BOOK IT…Please!!
If anyone has been playing the ‘take a shot for each time someone points at the mania sign’ game, I’m assuming they’re dead now. (Thanks for posting, Scott Hall and Jake Roberts.)
Seth wants to BE Raw?…………soooooooo, he wants to be an overlong, mediocre “sports entertainment” show? Shoot a bit higher, dude.
Ha, Kurt said wrestlers and then realized who’s ring he’s in and changed it to Superstars.
Uh oh, Angle said the W word, HE SAID THE W WORD!! Vince probably had a stroke backstage. (Actual quote from Vince: “GOD DAMN KURT SAY SUPERSTARS OR I’LL SHIP YOU BACK TO FUCKING TNA!”)
Boy, Kurt sucks on the mic tonight.
Bray Wyatt has been delivering the same promo for about 4 years. That’s gotta be some kind of record.
Bayley vs Sasha….have you hugged your boss today?
Sasha looks like a “lady of the night” that you have so often she presumes a level of familiarity that allows her to visit you at your place of business, creating an utterly awkward and uncomfortable situation for all involved. Don’t print any of that: I got kids.
People are talking about Asuka, sure. But who was talking about Alexa Bliss?
Bayley’s stock has gone down faster than the Dow.
I think “Ham & Egger” isn’t used enough by announcers.
What did Bayley do to get her character destroyed like this? (Got removed from NXT.)
Bayley wins at home? Ok, time for her to get destroyed post-match.
Look… we can’t use regular finishers anymore.. so let’s go with top rope finishers… not only that, let’s have the same ending in two matches for the night! I mean, it is better than the school boy of DEATH twice in a night.. right? Right? (The name is ROLLUP OF DEATH~! but I’ll allow it. Good point.)
There’s literally one guy chanting “Bayley’s gonna hug you”. One.
Sasha is what I like to call “cheat on your wife material”. But not on social media, so please don’t print this. (But I can put it on a website. Name withheld.)
So am I the only one that is dying for Kharma’s (Awesome Kong) music to hit while Nia is out there!!!!!
Mickie and Alexa should kiss and make up. Several times.
Mickie’s outfit gives me Z-fighter vibes.
I’d like to butter both their biscuits and kiss their grits. Print that. (I am a man of the people.)
In Howard Finkel’s voice I would like you to all rise and respect Mickie James’ entrance or just take a moment and admire the beauty, greatness oh and enjoy Mandy Rose too don’t print this.
Mandy Rose’s ass should be preserved as a national monument.
Mandy Rose is so pretty it literally makes me angry. And makes me want to call my plastic surgeon…..
So Mickie wins last week, loses this week yes ladies and gentlemen 50/50 booking has struck again.
Uh-oh! Coach said title! Vince is probably unconscious. Wrestler and title spoken on the same night! (Poor Vince.)
Elias is more entertaining than Honky Tonk Man.
This is Rock Concert 2003 heat! Lol! (Not even close and with way less viewers.)
I want to walk with Braun.
Braun?! Holy shit!!!
Braun’s the shit. That is all. (This is true and also helps that many others are booked like shit.)
Dude, Braun’s got some fuckin pipes.
I genuinely laughed out loud at raw for the 1st time in forever.
Is there anything Braun can’t do? (Shave.)
Strangely enough, that little stunt put Braun completely over. He just found his “Rusev Day” moment. Sorry Roman, you will never be THAT over…… (Poor Roman with his millions of dollars and mansion.)
The segment of the year.
2.) Wreck You Until You Love Me
3.) Save A Show, Destroy An Empire
4.) F**k Your Ambulance
5.) These Chairs Were Made For Swingin’
6.) (Thou Shalt Have) No Monsters Before Me
7.) Stretcher Ride
8.) Two Hands vs. These Hands
9.) No More Walking (An Ode To Elias)
10.) That Flippy S**t
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! IS ELIAS BREATHING!? (Calm down, Mike Cole.)
WHO WANTS TO WALK WITH ELIAS?…to the hospital.
Sheamus vs Roman? Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and switch to skiing.
Really Coach? You’re comparing Reigns to guys like Michaels, Triple H, Cena, and Undertaker?! Uh, NO!
I haven’t seen a “Superman Punch that weak and unconvincing looking since the old George Reeves TV show.
Are you REALLY shocked none of your moves put Roman away, Sheamus? The Hulk could hit Reigns in the face with Thor’s hammer while wearing the Infinity Gauntlet and Reigns would no-sell that shit.
They seem to have forgotten that the actual match between Ivory and Chyna at WM X7 was an absolute trainwreck. (Selective memories are a funny thing.)
Apollo Crews and Matt Hardy are in the main event of Raw. Did Vince go on vacation or something?
Terry Crews has a better chance of winning a place in the Elimination Chamber than Apollo Crews. (Thanks for posting, Apollo Creed.)
My stepdaughter is “noticing” Finn. Dear lord.
‘Member when Matt Hardy used to take his shirts off and throw them into the crowd years ago? I think he needs to go retrieve them……. (He probably wants me to “delete” that comment.)
This match is ok but I can’t manage to give a crap knowing full well that the chamber is designed only to make Roman look strong and win. Knowing that there’s exactly zero chance of anyone else winning kills all excitement and interest in the match for me.
For a moment I thought that Elias had made a miraculous recovery for this match…then I realized it was actually Rollins. (Thanks for posting, President of the long hair with beards fan club.)
Crews just went to set up his finish and neither the crowd or the commentators reacted to it. It’s sad when nobody knows what his finish is.
Dafuq was Crews doing? (Dafuq really should be an accepted word in the dictionary.)
John gets his dream match. A seven-way Elimination Chamber. (Um…thanks.)
The show was as good or slightly better than last week. We’re trending up.
Well, ladies and gentlemen what have we learned today on Raw…..Nia’s not like most girls…….Bayley can win in her hometown……Braun tries to destroy Elias with a Bass Violin……And the ref decides to count one guy out while covered by two guys so he’s not good at math. It’s another fine day in the mind of a 71-year-old lunatic good night everyone.
I give tonight’s show an 8 out of 10….mostly because of Braun and his ridiculous cello lol.
Great wrestling based show this week!!! The three hours seemed to fly by…. Which is a good thing cuz the three hours always seem to drag on usually…..
That’s all for us. Thanks for the support of everybody on the Facebook page and feel free to add in some thoughts below too.